June 8th: A few days ago I read Norwegian Wood which severely fucked me up, maybe the main character is just a self insert or maybe I am just boring but it really sounded like my life, give or take a few jey features. I love the book, it is most certainly my second favorite book just behind purfume, I love it so much that once I finished it I just started reading it again. THIS IS SOMETHING I NEVER DO; the book is just that fucking great. I want to read more Haruki Murakami but I doubt it would be as good as this one to me simply because they are less grounded in reality from what I heard. Point is, if you want to read a fantastic book with the Japanese style longing for love attitude then you will love this.
May 26th: I didn't realise how bad narcissists can be until today, it was unfathomably interesting studying the freak while playing some sort of game with it but even so it was disturbing. This freak took pride in its delusions and mental unhealthyness. I have a quote from it when we were talking about being more open to conversations and in response it said "To discuss entertains the possiblity that I could be wrong, fundamentally, That is absurd". I think the most disturbing part was our similarities. While I have never been diagnosed with a personality disorder (nor do I want to be) I see way too many similarities between how me and this freak worded things. That was truly and eye-opening experience.
May 25th: So I've finally added frames to my site (they just don't work yet) other than that I havent done much on here. Maybe I should make a separate updates page but that seems somehwhat useless.
May 21st: Opinions have too much influence these days. Sure everyone has always had opinions but when they couldn't spew their shit to everyone they kept quiet so they could learn facts without their own bias, this is something I've only realised since getting into psychology as people don't want to hear what could change their world view. I also get accused of not being open minded because I often take these psychological theories as gospel which is true: but if opposing studies come out my opinion would change. Basically respect the experts (and remember you aren't one of em). "Opinions are like arse-holes everyone has one and they all spew shit" -some australian guy
May 11th: I hate the idea of people being "empowered" by anyone other
than themselves. It is my belief that if you dont "empower" yourself
then you don't deserve it. Because your weak. I can't word it any other
way. I am in deep shit financially right now, I'm obviously too young to
work but my family as a whole is pretty fucked, this "apartment" I'm in
doesnt have a fucking stove so I cant even cook, unbelieveable! If I
can "empower" myself I don't see why some middle class fucker in the USA
can't. I don't deserve sympathy, empathy etc and neither do they; humans aren't entitled to it.
May 9th: Day one in Gypsie land! I am going to be staying in this
smaller city (I'm not saying the name, mainly because I dont know it)
for 3 days then I'm off to Bucharest. It's strange how this place feels
different from Moldova, the minute I crossed the boarder I felt safer.
Ive been gone from the EU for too long. The gypsies somewhat scare me
considering my experince with Irish travellers but hey who am I to judge
their religion. Basically nothing interesting has happened yet. In
regards to the website I am working on a new style page, I just need to
figrue out how to do frames.
May 7th: I consider myself an extrovert but I can't stand people. It's
not that I get uncomfortable around others or anything like that, I just
hate them right off the bat but I need my social fix to survive. I
don't like peoples pathetic small talk with each other but I also can't
bring myself to say anything other than that because they dont really
deserve more in a way. At least thats how I put it in my own head. Most
of all I can't stand other people like me, oposites attract really rings
true; on the off-chance I meet someone similar to me (and I don't mean
with thing such as similar tastes in clothes or movies, I mean things
like how our heads work) then I usually despise that person. Without
fail. Maybe that says something about how I know I'm a cunt.
May 6th: So these are my last few days in Moldova before I hop the
boarder. The biggest lesson ive learnt in this shit hole country is
having long hair is a huge detriment. Every man here has hair so short
you might think they all got scalped but not me so I stick out. As a
"last hurah" thing I went up this hill with my mates and walked about
11.5 km which was beautiful but the fact it was almost pitch black made
it shitworthy. I really hate that people here refuse to believe you dont
speak the language despite me telling them in English and Russian that I
DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND!! Thank god I'm on my way back to civilization.